My Responsible Selfishness is called Holly!

Whilst working as a Clinical Nurse Specialist, I became overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. Eventually, I was signed off work. As someone whose identity had always been wrapped up in caring for others, I felt completely lost. I was physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and simply getting through each day felt like an achievement. I couldn't see a way forward.

The people closest to me did everything they could to help, but it was one seemingly ordinary conversation with my mum that changed everything. She mentioned she'd bumped into an old school friend of mine, the girl I'd spent countless happy hours riding ponies with as a child. In that instant, something clicked. It was my eureka moment.

I realised I didn't need to search for happiness; I needed to reconnect with the place where I'd always found it. Horses had always been my sanctuary.

The very next day I contacted a local riding school and offered to volunteer. That simple decision became the turning point in my recovery. I shared and loaned horses until I was finally able to buy Holly, who is now a much-loved member of our family and an essential part of how I look after my own wellbeing.

Horses have an extraordinary ability to sense human emotion. They don't respond to titles, achievements or how busy you are; they respond to your energy. If you're anxious or distracted, they know. To be with a horse, you have to slow down, breathe, and be completely present. They have taught me mindfulness in a way no book or course ever could.

Of course, there is also a huge amount of trust involved. Every time I climb into the saddle, I'm placing my faith in a powerful 500kg animal with a mind of its own! That partnership, built on mutual trust and respect, has become one of the greatest sources of strength in my life.

The New Forest has become my place of healing. Riding through its ancient woodland, surrounded by nature and alongside Holly, gives me a sense of peace that is difficult to put into words. It is where I recharge emotionally, quiet my mind and reconnect with what really matters.

Without those moments, I genuinely don't believe I could continue to do the work I care so deeply about. They enable me to show up with energy, compassion and purpose for my family, for EF training Ltd, and for the thousands of healthcare professionals we support each year.

For many years, I believed that putting myself first was selfish. Now I understand that caring for myself is what enables me to care for others. Looking after our own wellbeing isn't an indulgence, it's a responsibility. Being what I call responsibly selfish has not only transformed my own life, but has allowed me to continue making a difference to the lives of others.